Thursday, July 26, 2012
Rootin', Tootin', & Shootin' by Barry Lowe
Rootin', Tootin', & Shootin' (Cowboy Joe 2)
Joe's weapon is a repeater.
Hollywood superstar, Jonny Xero, finds himself at the mercy of Tagtime
Cowboy Joe when the grizzled old cowboy, hired to teach him western ways for
his new movie, decides that a night out on the prairie is good preparation
for the role of a lifetime. Jonny wonders whether it's a role Joe really
wants, especially after the two share a toot on the strong weed Joe's
brought along to relax the city dude.
After breakfast at the ranch house, overseen by Joe himself who gave out the
day's chores as we ate the heartiest meal I'd ever seen served before eight
o'clock at night, he took me aside. "You get a good night's sleep?" he
I attempted to stifle a yawn. "The best."
"Good, you've got a hectic schedule before the rest of the movie crew get
here so we're gonna put you through your paces over the next few days. By
Friday, your ass is gonna be real sore."
I didn't like the innuendo. "If you think I'm going to be shit easy to break
in, then you're in for a surprise."
He didn't take offence like I expected. He didn't seem to take it as a
challenge either, he merely tried blackmail. "Suit yourself, Jonny. But it's
me has to sign off on whether you get the role."
I was a smug bastard. "I have a contract."
"Yeah, I've seen it. Maybe you don't remember, but it says you have to be
proficient in a certain number of skills. That's where I come into it. I
have to sign off on that proficiency. As I said yesterday, I don't think
you're gonna make it. Already told that slimy agent fella, Frank Sutton,
when he rang late last night. Seems he always thought that was gonna be the
case which is why he never showed you the script. Dunno what goes on between
you two but he's mighty keen to get this young fella called." he scratched
his craggy cheek trying to remember the name.
"Trent Storm," I prodded.
"Yeah, that was it. Kept telling me what a fine fella he is and that he's
gonna be one of the greats. Sounds like that Sutton guy is in love with
He phrased it as a question.
"Could be," I said. "Last time I went to my agent's office, Storm was on his
knees, if you get my drift."
Joe chuckled to show he did. "You don't do that?"
"Suck dick for pleasure or suck dick for a film role?"
"I don't suck dick. Period."
"But you don't mind if some good-lookin' young cowboy has a yen to chow down
on your pecker?"
"That's a whole different ball game."
"It's none of my business what you movie star queers do with your privates
but I did not take well to that Mr. Sutton of yours-"
"Believe me, I like him just as little as you do. Our relationship is purely
"Yeah? Sounds to me like your sellin' yourself to him and he's fuckin' you
in the ass."
"Don't go getting' all frisky over my meanin'. I ain't got someone else to
write my fancy words like you movie actors. Seems to me that Mr. Sutton
don't have your best interests at heart is what I meant."
I wasn't going to bite because I knew Joe was as manipulative an old bastard
as Sutton was. "Oh?"
"He's sendin' his little cocksuckin' pal to the ranch. Arrives tomorrow.
Seems he thinks this movie could be big with the right cast. Doesn't want to
take a chance you'll fuck up, so he wants a back-up. Reckons Storm would be
better in the role anyways. You don't have what it takes. Gone soft." He
slapped me in the stomach to emphasize the point. I grimaced without making
a sound even though I wanted to complain that it stung with the ferocity of
a hive of bees.
He left me cursing under my breath as he strode toward the ranch house.
"I'll get two of the boys to put you through your paces this morning before
we work out a schedule for you."
"I'm not a fuckin' show pony," I yelled after him, furious with myself for
letting him get under my skin, and furious with the world that I cared what
they thought of me.
Here we go again, having to prove myself all over again. When does it